For me hurt came at a later stage in life, I had the normal family life happy marriage, brought up two children who met and settled down with partners. We were an average family mixing with ordinary people with decent values. Then suddenly it all fell apart. My husband had a massive stroke and died in front of me. Everything changed. We had a small kennels breeding and showing German Shepherd Dogs and a small Pet-food Delivery Business as a retirement hobby. Almost immediately some people started to take advantage of my vulnerability and were it not for good friends I could have been cheated in several aspects of life. Money was cut in half and there were still 12 large dogs to feed and care for. I returned home late one night to find my garage doors ajar, and discovered that my lawnmowers and several tools had been stolen, that might not sound much but then I couldn’t clear 3 acres of grass and it was difficult to find anyone to come out with machinery and do it. The fields behind me were sprayed with something which made 5 dogs ill…massive vets bills. Money was disappearing at a very fast rate, whatever I had was immediately used up and these are things that can happen to anyone, even those who think they are secure. This, then, can bring on depression and fear. Also, living in the country, we were often targets for burglary although if I was there several of the dogs were loose and there was no question of anyone hurting me.
There is a deep degree of loneliness in these situations whether the person concerned is male or female, and for those that are female like me there is the physical aspect of jobs that you just cannot do. I wouldn’t say it was any easier for a man because I don’t think it is, but women are more inclined to talk to people about it. I then met someone who helped me with the dogs but was himself very troubled, had just been diagnosed with cancer and lost his job. His world was very different to mine, he trusted no-one, had worked in a world that involved searching for drugs, money laundering and many other types of dishonesty, it was dangerous. He also had family that were capable of being very unkind to each other. This was all new to me.
As this world started to impact on me I found myself in a situation that I was ill prepared to cope with and various business deals that went wrong caused me to lose a large amount of money. Although I wasn’t personally threatened, my home became a target and there was violence toward him. This man had a temper I had never experienced before and although he wasn’t physically violent to women, he was verbally and emotionally so. I had never experienced this before.
So I hit rock bottom, I didn’t actually lose my home but moved to a cheaper area and started to pay off debts. I appreciate that I was at least able to do this many people cannot. Although very, very, unhappy I didn’t actually have to take any sort of medication other than that for high blood pressure through stress. However, I do understand why people would, and I also understand why people may want to end their life because they feel they cannot cope. I always say it was the fact that I had dogs to look after that kept me sane, and also my spiritual beliefs and the support of the friends I allowed to know what was happening.
So on to the hope side of things, it was all ten years ago, the man concerned died a while back and I had learned how his background, his family situation,his fear of his illness and general distrust of people made him the rather unpleasant person he was (he was also very big and it was a long time before I would admit I was frightened of him). It showed me how ordinary people can have their lives turned inside out in a moment, and we are the product of the world we inhabit this is our reality, good or bad; and cannot always see a way out of situations without help. Although I kept in touch with him till he died I moved some distance away and immersed my self in complementary therapies and spiritual work, which for me was an antidote and a way of dealing with it all. The one thing we had in common was a love of animals, he always had patience with animals because they didn’t judge him, and that is another lesson, if we are judged harshly we react.
So as we come to the end of 2017 and many people are struggling I would say try and talk about your problems, let someone know of your difficulties. For 6 years after my experiences I worked on the Psychic telephone lines and through my own lessons I tried to help others deal with theirs. Even that, talking to an anonymous person who will not judge you such as the Samaritans is better than keeping everything inside and being alone. I realise that there are many people with much greater problems than I have experienced but I hope it may help some of you out there that are struggling, there can be hope if you look for it. Namaste.